There was something different about this summer, something strange permeated throughout the air as soon as we were set free from the cages (schools). The summer was unlike any I’ve had, because on the other side of the warm, and faded nights, was the call for change. Summer didn’t feel like forever this year, it felt like time would soon run out and I had to do everything in a lifetime within just a couple of months. My friends were moving off to university, and communication within relationships started to break down. We all became too busy, trying to out run the earth.
Nowadays my mind scurries around thoughts of whom I would evolve and become. I am constantly trying to edit and define the woman that awaits me. What form would I step into? The process of shattering the shells of my cocoon feels like both pain and perfection. I let go. I let go of all that I was, because those ways do not suit me anymore. I step outside and each day the winds are new, and the earth’s plates shift so I never step on the same ground twice.
I began working at an office at the end of summer. My body was forced out of partying at unholy hours to being in an office at working hours. It was strange being in an office all day, when my heart is so rooted to the sun. I felt deprived, and as I’d come out for my lunch break I was reminded of how to breathe again. I knew that working meant no longer going wherever the wind goes it meant strict structure. I had to wake up for 7am, and be back by 7pm. I felt my life slipping into a strict format of work, sleep, and repeat.
I hit the ground running and there is no time unless I make time. I begin to fill my mind with words that are not mine. Sound evades silence. Reflective thoughts seem foreign to me, as if they no longer run deep in my veins, so I cut and see if I still bleed. I want to know if I am still living or simply hovering in human dimensions, no longer elevated by my imagination. I have no interest in debates amongst men on futile issues; my only wish is to paint the skies with the angels, using any colour of the rainbow. We would soar above rain clouds and reason, because they’re known to clip angel’s wings.
I welcome new winds this autumn whilst trying to adjust to this adult life. I’ve always believed that growing up was a trick, and when you’re an adult you lose all your imagination, all your magic. Yet the autumn is known to bring new leaves, new goals and new gold and I maybe must leave my old self to become better.
I am evolving slowly by degree, into womanhood and learning what the term truly means. I begin to watch my mother through gawking eyes, wondering how she didn’t allow the world to turn her heart cold. I stare at her in awe of how she stands unapologetically in her rich and golden skin. Through her, I’m learning that we as women, come in multitudes, and I can be both beastly and beautiful. You don’t have to go to the ends of the earth, all your jewels are already inside you, and all you have to do is realize it. Recognize that to be wild is to be wonderful, and to truly be yourself is to start a new revolution. Lately I’ve been telling myself that it’s okay often. I breathe in mistakes but I learn with each out breath. I am not afraid of being a wanderer, who hasn’t quite yet figured it out, and is still walking on the edge of life. Theories on life and evolution are multiple, yet the process is simple. To evolve: You strip, you relax into new forms and you dance to new rhythms, then the earth welcomes the new you.
– Naomi for LAMBB