As we are approaching the end of the year, I look back at the last 10 months in astonishment and amazement. I have never been one for reflection which is probably the reason why I am finally settling down into my career in my late 20s. I am learning to accept the truth about who I am and find my feet and place in the world. This year I made the decision to take ownership. Take active accountability and responsibility for my happiness and well-being. No matter how hard I may get pushed down; I HAVE to get back up! I have shocked myself with the strength that I have within. I have really come to understand the way in which God works WITHIN you as opposed to Him being a separate entity from yourself working on your behalf. That is how I used to see Him. I feel like a grown up, but at the same time as a real child of God who has been humbled into truth these last 10 months.
I have come a long way from the pathetic woman earlier on this year who was desperately and hopelessly trying to hold on to an imagined love out of pure fear. I have come even further from the young lady that has a pre-conditioned annoying voice of self-pity and disgust that often and randomly pops up every now and again. It has taken 3 pilgrimages; oceans of tears; honest conversations; spiritual guidance; true self forgiveness; late nights and early mornings; constantly reminding myself of my goals and my drive, to get to where I am right now. This has all just taken place in the last year! I am no longer running with the clock that society has tried to infringe on me; but striding at my own pace! I have clear vision. I know where I want to go and what I want to do now more than ever and it is such an amazing feeling – sitting in true peace. My path is God-set. That is how you grow. That is how you evolve.
I have just lost two long term relationships (I’ll tell you guys the full details in another post!), and as sad as this may seem I feel a sense freedom. Like I can take a sigh of relief and exhale. There are no hard feelings but they had simply just passed their expiry date. I feel like as I get closer to God, closer to finding out who I am and what impact I want to have on the world, there is no point in forcing relationships with people that want different things from you and that is perfectly okay.
Peace be with you.