Arriving At my own Pace

As we are approaching the end of the year, I look back at the last 10 months in astonishment and amazement. I have never been one for reflection which is probably the reason why I am finally settling down into my career in my late 20s. I am learning to accept the truth about who I am and find my feet and place in the world. This year I made the decision to take ownership. Take active accountability and responsibility for my happiness and well-being. No matter how hard I may get pushed down; I HAVE to get back up! I have shocked myself with the strength that I have within. I have really come to understand the way in which God works WITHIN you as opposed to Him being a separate entity from yourself working on your behalf. That is how I used to see Him. I feel like a grown up, but at the same time as a real child of God who has been humbled into truth these last 10 months.

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I have come a long way from the pathetic woman earlier on this year who was desperately and hopelessly trying to hold on to an imagined love out of pure fear. I have come even further from the young lady that has a pre-conditioned annoying voice of self-pity and disgust that often and randomly pops up every now and again. It has taken 3 pilgrimages; oceans of tears; honest conversations; spiritual guidance; true self forgiveness; late nights and early mornings; constantly reminding myself of my goals and my drive, to get to where I am right now. This has all just taken place in the last year! I am no longer running with the clock that society has tried to infringe on me; but striding at my own pace! I have clear vision. I know where I want to go and what I want to do now more than ever and it is such an amazing feeling – sitting in true peace. My path is God-set. That is how you grow. That is how you evolve.

I have just lost two long term relationships (I’ll tell you guys the full details in another post!), and as sad as this may seem I feel a sense freedom. Like I can take a sigh of relief and exhale. There are no hard feelings but they had simply just passed their expiry date. I feel like as I get closer to God, closer to finding out who I am and what impact I want to have on the world, there is no point in forcing relationships with people that want different things from you and that is perfectly okay.

Peace be with you.

Cee .x.

 

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