I spent the day within the walls that first nurtured me, not a room, or the womb but the sheets of a book. The only four corners I know to be straight and not crooked. I read the lines that were orchestrated with love for someone like me in mind; someone seeking healing from a haven. I located my heart between the metaphors and similes, and I cried at how beautiful it was to be home again, to be restored, and to be found. I am here with half of myself; the other half is floating away. I’ve come to remind myself to always be lovely and not to let the world and her people turn me cold.
I start my days with a smile, thanking God for the new day. Sometimes I tell Him to take me back.
I practice affirmations like these in the mornings: I am a well, filled with blessings and good things, love, light and abundance. They’re friendly reminders that keep me sane throughout the day. It does get hard because people are so difficult to deal with. I think God has the hardest job of loving us all unconditionally. I think people are terrible beings by default and whenever they realise the power they have over another they abuse that power. Sometimes we want to hurt each other, even the people we love.
I sent my love out as a healing offering, but a friend returned it back, unrequited but opened and used. I know I am not an angel, but I try in all my friendships/relationships to bring a light and energy that I can only hope will be reciprocated. The relationship becomes lopsided when one person is giving more and the other is just taking, unaware of how draining they are. Everything is energy; it’s what we trade as humans before gold and coins. I am devoted to my spirit and owing to my happiness, so I actively work to protect my energy from takers who do not give. Sometimes that means removing people from your life if they are causing an imbalance and that isn’t selfish it’s self-love.
LAMBB Presents: 50 Shades of Melanin a riveting documentary that focuses on colourism within the UK.
The Google definition of colourism is “prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group.” Whilst this does quite literally define the term, it doesn’t put a face to the fact. Something as personal as colourism cannot be discussed in factual terms, instead people should be allowed a safe space to offload all emotion and experiences. LAMBB sought to create that space for the likes of 30 Black British people, all with a story and a voice.
In the documentary the young men and women discuss their own experiences with colourism, by delving into matters such as the wedge between the Black British community and Light Skinned Privellge. The participants even go onto discuss colonialism and the impact of slavery, hinting that the millennials aren’t as hopeless as you may think. During the Q&A Session at the screening of the documentary, we were asked about the end goal. At first I was a bit stumped on the question, but when a girl hugged me and said how beautiful she now felt, I knew that the end goal of 50 Shades of Melanin is to provide healing.
-Naomi for LAMBB
I try not to give energy to my fears but for this article I’ll let you in on two of my biggest ones; failure and settling. I currently commute to work about an hour by train and an hour back. The morning trains are stuffy and the body heat becomes suffocating. Everyone in the train wears discontentment on their faces and conformity on their ties which is pulled up to the collar of their white shirt. I am a people watcher and I always look around intensely, although everyone else’s intention is to avoid eye contact with the person breathing on them. But I can’t help but stare at their faces and wonder, where did all their dreams go?
I don’t want to lead a regretful life because I am the Mater of my own boat, and at the end of time the Master of all ships would ask me how I navigated through the stormy seas. I don’t want to say I gave up and quit, I want to sing the tune of my battle cry. I believe life isn’t supposed to be so easy and clear cut, there are a lot of codes we need to unlock before we achieve access to our highest self.
Meditating/Praying: Prayer is my go-to, my secret weapon and my source of inspiration. As I grow more aware and weary of the world around me, I see the cracks between the lines that society feeds us. So it’s hard for me to put my life in man’s hands as opposed to God’s. No matter what God you believe in, acknowledging that there is a higher power above this collapsing world is a step towards achieve peace of mind. I also practice yoga and meditation which aids my quest to internal peace.
Daily Affirmations: “I am blessed, I am able, I am love and light.” Repeating affirmations like these in the morning can be a huge motivator. Claim the goals that you want to attain, speak it into existence, pray on it and it’s yours. By acknowledging daily, the magic within yourself, you would rise to become who you were meant to be. My bedroom wall is filled with motivational quotes and passages that inspire me, that way whenever I’m down I just read the beautiful messages on my wall.
Find your inner Fire & Desire: Discover what it is that you want from this life and be fearless enough to go after it without asking for anyone’s permission. Find something that sets your soul on fire and don’t let the harsh winds of the world blow out that light. People project their own fears onto you, so do not listen or take advice from negative people. Sometimes it may be difficult discovering what you want to be in life, but I think a good place to start is with the type of life you want to live and the type of life you don’t want to live.
Be the change you want to see: To see things shifting in your favour you must make a change. You must take responsibility for your actions and the consequences of them. You must realise that life is what you make it and nothing would change unless you do. I love the phrase “take what you deserve” but it is loaded and needs to be unpacked. This world doesn’t owe you anything and for a lot of us there isn’t a silver spoon or rich uncle that would bail us out of any financial trouble. So it does take a lot of soul searching, and solitary time to discover the difference you want to see in yourself.
Believe in Yourself: this may be an overused phrase, and as I writer I do avoid them but it has only evolved to be a cliché because of its truth. Acknowledge the power and strength that is within you. I like to do this by reciting the line, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Whenever it all gets too hefty I realise that God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle, and He has already aligned the stars I just need to work whilst I wait.
Don’t be afraid of hard work: Nothing is easy in this world, no matter the occupation you choose, you must put in the work. Let’s say the most glamourous and desired occupation we could think of is the life of a model, all you must do is take pretty pictures, right? Wrong. Models must shoot Summer issues in Winter, that means they stand outside in their bikinis in freezing weather. They are also constantly judged and measured by other girls, imagine what that does to their self-esteem. But know that nothing worth having comes easy. Sometimes is does take late nights but do take time to rest so you can sleep and dream, because all we have is our dreams.